You know you should eat five portions of fruit and veg a day, right? Do you? I’m guessing a good many of you don’t. We all know we should, but “should” doesn’t actually get us to do it. We should drink two litres of water daily, we should wake at 5am for gratitude journaling, we should have a sales funnel, we should post daily on Instagram… the list is endless. And incidentally, they’re all worthy things to do — on the face of it.
My mission here is to unpack “shoulds” and look at how they can be harmful, especially for the neurodivergent brain.
Our brains all work differently, and when it comes to ADHD and neurodivergence, our processing and capabilities are hidden — invisible inside our heads. You don’t know how much someone has whizzing around in their mind. You can’t see the mental tick list unfolding alongside countless anxieties about, well, everything. You can’t see someone’s cognitive wiring or the sheer weight of their mental load.
ADHD affects executive function, focus, and energy regulation, which means that “shoulds” often don’t fit. And I can’t not acknowledge the people-pleasing element of ADHD… someone tells you that you should do something, and you might well say yes despite yourself. As you know, being told what I should do really ticks me off — but I often do it anyway, because I want to please people.
📱 Social Media: A Case Study in “Should”
Take social media engagement as an example. You’re told that you should spend 30 minutes each day engaging with your online audience. Ok, yep — that sounds like it would be beneficial to your business. I get it. But look under the hood of an ADHD brain and you’ll find a few hurdles that make this a struggle:
- Focus: Keeping interested in a task you find a bit boring? Good luck. Chances are you’ll get distracted and tumble down a rabbit hole when something exciting but irrelevant pops up.
- Time distortion: That 30 minutes? It’ll likely balloon into much longer, partly because you lose track of time — and partly thanks to the rabbit hole detour.
- RSD (Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria): This wreaks havoc. Comments and engagement take an inordinate amount of time to craft and perfect, all in an effort to avoid any hint of negativity.
- Initiation: And all of that assumes you’ve actually managed to start the task in the first place.
That’s a lot. A lot going on in an ADHD mind. So when someone tells you that you should do that, they’re not accounting for the invisible mental load. A “should” — however well-intentioned and however beneficial it might be — isn’t always suitable for everyone.
The Business World’s “Should” Culture
There are “shoulds” everywhere — like the fruit, the water, the journaling — and in the business world, there’s a whole culture built around them:
- “You should be on LinkedIn every day.”
- “You should follow this 5-step sales strategy.”
- “You should outsource everything.”
These “shoulds” are a one-size-fits-all approach, ignoring individual capacity, context, and neurodiversity. Now, if there’s one “should” I do endorse, it’s this: you should question the shoulds. Ask yourself — does this work for me? Can I sustain it? Is it worth trying if it’s going to leave me feeling like a failure when I inevitably can’t keep up?
Push back. Don’t accept the should and try to squeeze yourself into someone else’s construct of the world. You are unique and talented, and you can make your own path.
🚧 When “Should” Feels Like a Wall
The world of shoulds can be overwhelming. It can cause task paralysis. It can stop you in your tracks.
This reaction is common among ADHD brains. The internal chaos of competing thoughts, the resistance to imposed structure, the emotional weight of perceived failure — it’s a lot. “Should” can trigger a cascade of overwhelm: you freeze, you procrastinate, you spiral into guilt. And all because someone told you what you should do.
So what to do instead?
🌬️ Take a Breath
Literally. Or metaphorically. Give yourself space to pause and consider your options. Ask yourself: is this “should” right for me? Does it align with my energy, my priorities, my brain?
Here are a few strategies that can help:
- Reframe the language: Instead of “I should do this,” try “Would this be helpful for me?” or “Is this something I want to try?”
- Break it down: If a task feels too big, chunk it into micro-steps. ADHD brains often respond better to bite-sized actions.
- Use body doubling: Work alongside someone — virtually or in person — to help with initiation and accountability.
- Time-box with flexibility: Set a timer, but allow yourself to stop when your focus wanes. It’s okay to adapt.
- Celebrate small wins: Recognise progress, not perfection. Every step counts.
Tailored Support: My Approach as a Certified OBM®️
This is exactly why my work as a Certified OBM®️ is tailored — not templated. I support ADHD entrepreneurs by starting with their priorities, not someone else’s playbook. I adapt my approach to suit how their brain works, not how the business world says it should.
One client, for example, was told they should be running webinars every month. But their anxiety around live performance and their difficulty with planning made that a nightmare. Instead, we created a pre-recorded video series that they could batch when their energy was high — and it worked brilliantly.
That’s the power of tailoring. That’s the power of honouring neurodiversity.
🛑 Permission to Ditch the “Shoulds”
So here’s your permission slip: you don’t have to follow the shoulds. You don’t have to wake at 5am, post daily, or build a funnel if it doesn’t work for you.
Success isn’t about ticking boxes. It’s about building a business — and a life — that works for your brain.
Next time someone tells you what you should do, ask yourself: does this serve me, or stress me?
And if it’s the latter — feel free to ignore it entirely.